Come hither hand gesture, inviting but ambiguous
You meet someone new. It’s someone who is a potential client or customer and they ask “What do you do?” You’ve probably read in business networking articles how to respond. Qualify them right away. See if they are a potential client. Find out which of your products or services might interest them.
How’s that working for you? Do you find it a natural way to initiate a relationship and build rapport? Does it feel forced?
Me too. I always found it awkward. I felt I was putting the other person in a difficult position.
Stephanie Palmer in her book Good in a Room recommends another approach. She suggests using teasers.
What’s a teaser? You can see an example just by turning on the television. Teasers are used by your local television news show every night: “Is your medicine cabinet a death trap? Find out more at 11!”
Teasers in a conversation arouse the other person’s curiosity but allow them to remain in control of the conversation. If the other person is curious and asks for more, you can respond. If the potential buyer doesn’t respond and moves the subject in another direction, so be it. You’ll still be developing rapport with the other person in a natural way.
It’s important for the other person to be in control at this stage because your goal is to learn about them. The way to learn is to allow them to open up and speak about the subjects that interest them.
Teasers according to Palmer should always be S.M.A.R.T.:
- S: short
- M: memorable – it should stand out or have some drama
- A: accurate – correctly represent who you are and what you do
- R: repeatable – sounds good when spoken
- T: tonally appropriate – fits with the nature and style of your project or company
She describes three forms of teasers: startling statistics, purposely nonspecific phrases, and long term benefits. Here’s how a software project manager might use these three forms.
Startling statistics
Find some accurate statistics about your industry that reveal a surprising fact. They upset the worldview of your listener and the other person will often want to know more. You can knit their worldview back together and resolve the conflicting ideas.
“You’ve probably heard that 70% of all software projects fail. I make sure that my clients are in that other 30%.”
Purposely nonspecific phrases
When you are meeting someone who is unlikely to be knowledgeable about your field, a nonspecific phrase can be effective at arousing curiosity. If they ask what you mean, you can continue. If they don’t, you can let it go and leave the other person in control of the direction of the conversation.
“I’m a coach for software projects.”
Long term benefit
Long term benefits are attractive because they indicate that you develop long term relationships and that people trust you.
“I help software teams build a long history of successful projects.”
Developing teasers is not easy. It takes some work and some experimentation. But every experiment is valuable. You’ll learn what works and what doesn’t. You’ll figure out which teasers work in different types of situations and with different types of people.
And even when a teaser doesn’t seem to work, the interactions are still successful because you are allowing the other person to remain in control and to leave the interaction with a positive feeling. You both leave the interaction with increased rapport.
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